{"id":4621,"date":"2026-06-25T12:21:26","date_gmt":"2026-06-25T12:21:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/usglobalnews.com\/2026\/06\/25\/how-to-find-middle-ground-when-your-partner-wants-kids-and-you-dont\/"},"modified":"2026-06-25T12:21:26","modified_gmt":"2026-06-25T12:21:26","slug":"how-to-find-middle-ground-when-your-partner-wants-kids-and-you-dont","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/?p=4621","title":{"rendered":"How to find middle ground when your partner wants kids \u2014 and you don&#8217;t"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"storytitle\">\n<h1>How to find middle ground when your partner wants kids \u2014 and you don&#8217;t<\/h1>\n<\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"STORYTITLE\" --><\/p>\n<div id=\"story-meta\" class=\"story-meta has-byline\">\n<div class=\"story-meta__one\">\n<div class=\"story-meta__one-inner\">\n<div class=\"dateblock\">\n    <time datetime=\"2026-06-25T05:00:00-04:00\"><br \/>\n            <span class=\"date\">June 25, 2026<\/span><span class=\"time\">5:00 AM ET<\/span><br \/>\n    <\/time>\n<\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"STORY-META__ONE-INNER\" -->\n   <\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"STORY-META__ONE\" --><\/p>\n<div class=\"story-meta__two\">\n<div id=\"storybyline\" class=\"storybyline-wrap linkLocation\">\n<div class=\"bucketwrap byline\">\n<div class=\"byline-container--block\">\n<div class=\"byline byline--block byline--has-link\" aria-label=\"Byline\">\n<div class=\"byline__photo\">\n      <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/people\/776533008\/andee-tagle\" rel=\"author\"><br \/>\n        <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/384x384+64+0\/resize\/100\/quality\/85\/format\/png\/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2020%2F07%2F24%2Fandee-tagle-photo-20e29a65c63febc09ae06f2fb6648211751ba262.png\" class=\"img\" alt=\"Andee Tagle\" data-template=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/384x384+64+0\/resize\/{width}\/quality\/{quality}\/format\/{format}\/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2020%2F07%2F24%2Fandee-tagle-photo-20e29a65c63febc09ae06f2fb6648211751ba262.png\" data-format=\"png\"><br \/>\n      <\/a>\n    <\/div>\n<p class=\"byline__name byline__name--block\">\n      <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/people\/776533008\/andee-tagle\" rel=\"author\"><br \/>\n      Andee Tagle<br \/>\n    <\/a>\n  <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"BUCKETWRAP BYLINE\" -->\n      <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"STORY-META__TWO\" -->\n<\/div>\n<p><!-- END ID=\"STORY-META\" CLASS=\"STORY-META HAS-BYLINE\" --><\/p>\n<div id=\"storytext\" class=\"storytext storylocation linkLocation\">\n<div id=\"resg-s1-129959\" class=\"bucketwrap image large\">\n<div class=\"imagewrap has-source-dimensions\" data-crop-type=\"\" style=\"--source-width: 6667;--source-height: 4167\">\n<p>            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/6667x4167+0+0\/resize\/1100\/quality\/50\/format\/jpeg\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F03%2Fc2%2F7b47f18c49fea874e8d362cd35e1%2Fgettyimages-1326242828.jpg\" data-template=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/6667x4167+0+0\/resize\/{width}\/quality\/{quality}\/format\/{format}\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F03%2Fc2%2F7b47f18c49fea874e8d362cd35e1%2Fgettyimages-1326242828.jpg\" class=\"img\" alt='To get on the same page about whether or not to start a family, psychotherapist Merle Bombardieri says to aim for 80% certainty \u2014 and do your best to compromise. But take note: \"people never have a child to please their partner,\" she says.'><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"credit-caption\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrap\">\n<div class=\"caption\" aria-label=\"Image caption\">\n<p>\n                To get on the same page about whether or not to start a family, psychotherapist Merle Bombardieri says to aim for 80% certainty \u2014 and do your best to compromise. But take note: &#8220;people never have a child to please their partner,&#8221; she says.<br \/>\n                <b class=\"credit\" aria-label=\"Image credit\"><br \/>\n                    iStockphoto<br \/>\n                <\/b><br \/>\n                <b class=\"hide-caption\"><b>hide caption<\/b><\/b>\n            <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>            <b class=\"toggle-caption\"><b>toggle caption<\/b><\/b>\n    <\/div>\n<p>    <span class=\"credit\" aria-label=\"Image credit\"><br \/>\n        iStockphoto<br \/>\n    <\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>So your partner wants to have a baby. You want to be child-free. How do you get on the same page about whether or not to start a family?<\/p>\n<div id=\"resnx-s1-5758051-100\" class=\"bucketwrap internallink mediapromo primary\">\n<h4 class=\"internallink__slug\">Life Kit<\/h4>\n<h2 class=\"internallink__title\">On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this<\/h2>\n<article id=\"resnx-s1-mx-5831621-1\" class=\"bucketwrap resaudio\" aria-label=\"audio-module\">\n<div class=\"audio-module\">\n<h4 class=\"audio-module-title\">On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this<\/h4>\n<div class=\"audio-module-controls-wrap\" data-audio='{\"uid\":\"nx-s1-5831621:nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\",\"available\":true,\"duration\":1571,\"title\":\"On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this\",\"audioUrl\":\"https:\/\/tracking.swap.fm\/track\/XvDEoI11TR00olTUO8US\/prfx.byspotify.com\/e\/play.podtrac.com\/npr-510338\/npr.simplecastaudio.com\/8ae5a040-e346-4b89-ba6b-625f91f1fbd4\/episodes\/7426be44-50e8-446c-b3e8-98f30274c6e2\/audio\/128\/default.mp3?awCollectionId=8ae5a040-e346-4b89-ba6b-625f91f1fbd4&amp;awEpisodeId=7426be44-50e8-446c-b3e8-98f30274c6e2&amp;feed=XkY2SBZJ&amp;t=podcast&amp;e=nx-s1-5831621&amp;p=510338&amp;d=1571&amp;size=25145305&amp;sc=siteplayer&amp;aw_0_1st.playerid=siteplayer\",\"storyUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2026\/05\/26\/nx-s1-5831621\/on-the-fence-about-parenthood-listen-to-this\",\"slug\":\"\",\"program\":\"Life Kit\",\"affiliation\":\"\",\"song\":\"\",\"artist\":\"\",\"album\":\"\",\"track\":0,\"type\":\"segment\",\"subtype\":\"other\",\"skipSponsorship\":true,\"hasAdsWizz\":true,\"isStreamAudioType\":false,\"podcastEpisodeRawType\":\"FULL\",\"podcastEpisodeDerivedPlusType\":\"PLUS_UNSPONSORED_AVAILABLE\"}' data-audio-metrics=\"[]\">\n<div class=\"audio-module-controls audio-module-controls--no-js\">\n            <a class=\"audio-module-listen\" href=\"https:\/\/tracking.swap.fm\/track\/XvDEoI11TR00olTUO8US\/prfx.byspotify.com\/e\/play.podtrac.com\/npr-510338\/npr.simplecastaudio.com\/8ae5a040-e346-4b89-ba6b-625f91f1fbd4\/episodes\/7426be44-50e8-446c-b3e8-98f30274c6e2\/audio\/128\/default.mp3?awCollectionId=8ae5a040-e346-4b89-ba6b-625f91f1fbd4&amp;awEpisodeId=7426be44-50e8-446c-b3e8-98f30274c6e2&amp;feed=XkY2SBZJ&amp;t=podcast&amp;e=nx-s1-5831621&amp;p=510338&amp;d=1571&amp;size=25145305&amp;sc=siteplayer&amp;aw_0_1st.playerid=siteplayer\"><br \/>\n                <b class=\"audio-module-listen-inner\"><br \/>\n                    <b class=\"audio-module-listen-text\"><br \/>\n                        <b class=\"audio-module-cta\"><br \/>\n                            Listen<br \/>\n                        <\/b><br \/>\n                        <b class=\"audio-module-listen-duration\"><br \/>\n                            <span>\u00b7 <\/span><br \/>\n                            <span>26:11<\/span><br \/>\n                        <\/b><br \/>\n                    <\/b><br \/>\n                <\/b><br \/>\n            <\/a><br \/>\n                <time class=\"audio-module-duration\" datetime=\"P26M,11S\"><br \/>\n                  <span class=\"audio-module-duration__initial-value\">26:11<\/span><br \/>\n                <\/time>\n        <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"audio-module-tools\">\n            <a class=\"audio-tool audio-tool-transcript\" href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/transcripts\/nx-s1-5831621\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"audio\",\"action\":\"audio_click_transcript\",\"storyId\":\"nx-s1-5831621\",\"mediaId\":\"nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\",\"title\":\"On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this\",\"type\":\"ondemand\"}'><br \/>\n                <b class=\"audio-tool-label\">Transcript<\/b><br \/>\n            <\/a><br \/>\n        <button class=\"audio-module-tools-toggle\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"audio\",\"action\":\"audio_open_more_options\",\"storyId\":\"nx-s1-5831621\",\"mediaId\":\"nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\",\"title\":\"On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this\",\"type\":\"ondemand\"}'><br \/>\n            <b class=\"label\">Toggle more options<\/b><br \/>\n        <\/button><\/p>\n<ul class=\"audio-module-more-tools\">\n<li class=\"audio-tool audio-tool-download\"><a href=\"https:\/\/tracking.swap.fm\/track\/XvDEoI11TR00olTUO8US\/prfx.byspotify.com\/e\/play.podtrac.com\/npr-510338\/npr.simplecastaudio.com\/8ae5a040-e346-4b89-ba6b-625f91f1fbd4\/episodes\/7426be44-50e8-446c-b3e8-98f30274c6e2\/audio\/128\/default.mp3?awCollectionId=8ae5a040-e346-4b89-ba6b-625f91f1fbd4&amp;awEpisodeId=7426be44-50e8-446c-b3e8-98f30274c6e2&amp;feed=XkY2SBZJ&amp;t=podcast&amp;e=nx-s1-5831621&amp;p=510338&amp;d=1571&amp;size=25145305&amp;sc=siteplayer&amp;aw_0_1st.playerid=siteplayer\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"audio\",\"action\":\"audio_download\",\"storyId\":\"nx-s1-5831621\",\"mediaId\":\"nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\",\"title\":\"On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this\",\"type\":\"ondemand\"}'><b class=\"audio-tool-label\">Download<\/b><\/a>\n                <\/li>\n<li class=\"audio-tool audio-tool-embed\">\n                    <button data-embed-url=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/player\/embed\/nx-s1-5831621\/nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"audio\",\"action\":\"audio_embed\",\"storyId\":\"nx-s1-5831621\",\"mediaId\":\"nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\",\"title\":\"On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this\",\"type\":\"ondemand\"}'><b class=\"button-inner\"><b class=\"audio-tool-label\">Embed<\/b><\/b><\/button><\/p>\n<div class=\"audio-embed-overlay\">\n                        <label class=\"embed-label\"><br \/>\n                            <b class=\"label\">Embed<\/b><\/p>\n<p>                        <\/label><br \/>\n                        <b class=\"embed-url embed-url-touch\"><br \/>\n                            <code><b class=\"punctuation\">&lt;<\/b>iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/player\/embed\/nx-s1-5831621\/nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\" width=\"100%\" height=\"290\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" title=\"NPR embedded audio player\"&gt;<\/code><br \/>\n                        <\/b>\n                    <\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li class=\"audio-tool audio-tool-transcript\">\n                  <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/transcripts\/nx-s1-5831621\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"audio\",\"action\":\"audio_click_transcript\",\"storyId\":\"nx-s1-5831621\",\"mediaId\":\"nx-s1-mx-5831621-1\",\"title\":\"On the fence about parenthood? Listen to this\",\"type\":\"ondemand\"}'><br \/>\n                    <b class=\"audio-tool-label\">Transcript<\/b><br \/>\n                  <\/a>\n                <\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<div class=\"podcast-tools podcast-tools--510338\">\n<div class=\"imagewrap has-source-dimensions\" data-crop-type=\"\" style=\"--source-width: 3000;--source-height: 3000\">\n<p>            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media.npr.org\/assets\/img\/2022\/09\/23\/life-kit_tile_npr-network-01_sq-57e850131de55d68e20bbd9dff2408721d7518e2.jpg?s=1100&amp;c=85&amp;f=jpeg\" data-original=\"https:\/\/media.npr.org\/assets\/img\/2022\/09\/23\/life-kit_tile_npr-network-01_sq-57e850131de55d68e20bbd9dff2408721d7518e2.jpg?s=1100&amp;c=100&amp;f=jpeg\" data-template=\"https:\/\/media.npr.org\/assets\/img\/2022\/09\/23\/life-kit_tile_npr-network-01_sq-57e850131de55d68e20bbd9dff2408721d7518e2.jpg?s={width}&amp;c={quality}&amp;f={format}\" data-format=\"jpeg\" class=\"img lazyOnLoad\" alt=\"Life Kit\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"credit-caption\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrap\">\n    <\/div>\n<p>    <span class=\"credit\" aria-label=\"Image credit\"><br \/>\n        NPR<br \/>\n    <\/span>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"podcast-tools__slugandmodal\">\n<div class=\"slug-wrap\">\n<h3 class=\"slug\">\n        <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/podcasts\/510338\/all-guides\">Life Kit<\/a><br \/>\n    <\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"podcast-tools__modal\">\n<div class=\"subscribe\" data-sharepop data-selector=\".sharepop.subscribe\">\n          <button>LISTEN &amp; FOLLOW<br \/>\n          <\/button>\n        <\/div>\n<div class=\"podcast-tools__subscribe-links\">\n<div class=\"sharepop-four\">\n<div class=\"sharepop\">\n<ul>\n<li>\n                        <a href=\"https:\/\/rpb3r.app.goo.gl\/allguides1\" data-analytics-allow-facebook=\"data-analytics-allow-facebook\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"podcast\",\"action\":\"podcast_follow_click\",\"clickName\":\"npr one universal\",\"clickType\":\"podcast follow button\"}'><br \/>\n                          NPR App<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\n                        <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/podcast\/1461493560?mt=2&amp;at=11l79Y&amp;ct=nprdirectory\" data-analytics-allow-facebook=\"data-analytics-allow-facebook\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"podcast\",\"action\":\"podcast_follow_click\",\"clickName\":\"itunes\",\"clickType\":\"podcast follow button\"}'><br \/>\n                          Apple Podcasts<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\n                          <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/5J0xAfsLX7bEYzGxOin4Sd?si=3hxRTvV3R72G3Ci5l5GzTA\" data-analytics-allow-facebook=\"data-analytics-allow-facebook\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"podcast\",\"action\":\"podcast_follow_click\",\"clickName\":\"Spotify\",\"clickType\":\"podcast follow button\"}'><br \/>\n                          Spotify<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\n                        <a href=\"https:\/\/music.amazon.com\/podcasts\/250824b1-bf03-48fa-9c3c-8f1693eb1d5e\" data-analytics-allow-facebook=\"data-analytics-allow-facebook\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"podcast\",\"action\":\"podcast_follow_click\",\"clickName\":\"amazon music\",\"clickType\":\"podcast follow button\"}'><br \/>\n                        Amazon Music<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\n                        <a href=\"https:\/\/www.iheart.com\/podcast\/50737913\" data-analytics-allow-facebook=\"data-analytics-allow-facebook\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"podcast\",\"action\":\"podcast_follow_click\",\"clickName\":\"iHeart Radio\",\"clickType\":\"podcast follow button\"}'><br \/>\n                        iHeart Radio<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\n                        <a href=\"https:\/\/music.youtube.com\/library\/podcasts?addrssfeed=https:\/\/feeds.npr.org\/510338\/podcast.xml\" data-analytics-allow-facebook=\"data-analytics-allow-facebook\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"podcast\",\"action\":\"podcast_follow_click\",\"clickName\":\"youtube music\",\"clickType\":\"podcast follow button\"}'><br \/>\n                        YouTube Music<\/a><\/li>\n<li>\n                        <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/feeds.npr.org\/510338\/podcast.xml\" data-analytics-allow-facebook=\"data-analytics-allow-facebook\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"podcast\",\"action\":\"podcast_follow_click\",\"clickName\":\"rss\",\"clickType\":\"podcast follow button\"}'><br \/>\n                          RSS link<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div>\n<p>              &lt;!&#8211;<\/p>\n<div class=\"newsletter-placeholder\">\n                Sign up for the [TITLE] Newsletter<\/p><\/div>\n<div class=\"plusoffering-placeholder\">\n                Get perks with [Podcast Title]+<\/p>\n<p>Your support helps make our show possible and unlocks access to our sponsor-free feed.<\/p>\n<p>                <button>LEARN MORE<\/button>\n              <\/div>\n<p>              &#8211;&gt;\n          <\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p><!-- END ID=\"RESNX-S1-5758051-100\" CLASS=\"BUCKETWRAP INTERNALLINK MEDIAPROMO PRIMARY\" --><\/p>\n<p>Over the past 50 years, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thebabydecision.com\/merle-bombardieri-baby-decision-author-expert-coach\/\" target=\"_blank\">Merle Bombardieri<\/a>, a psychotherapist and author of <em>The Baby Decision, <\/em>has been helping couples with this exact conundrum. She says this is one of the most common questions she gets.<\/p>\n<p>For many couples, there <em>is<\/em> a middle ground, so long as you&#8217;re able to stay open to different possibilities, Bombardieri says.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;A lot of times, people can actually find a solution that will work for both of them,&#8221; she says.<\/p>\n<p>Bombardieri shares advice and exercises to help couples navigate the divide and find compromise \u2014 while minimizing regret in the process.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"edTag\">Aim for 80% certainty<\/h2>\n<p>Bombardieri says couples will often seek her help because they want to feel 100% certain about their decision. But for the vast majority of people, that&#8217;s just not realistic.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Most people are never going to feel totally sure because they&#8217;re aware of what they&#8217;re going to miss from the other side,&#8221; Bombardieri says. So being 80% sure is &#8220;as solid as it gets.&#8221; <\/p>\n<div id=\"resnx-s1-5758051-101\" class=\"bucketwrap internallink insettwocolumn inset2col \">\n<div class=\"bucket img\">\n                  <a class=\"imagewrap\" id=\"featuredStackSquareImageg-s1-14652\" href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/08\/13\/g-s1-14652\/got-a-new-baby-how-to-fairly-split-chores-and-child-care-and-avoid-resentment\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"recirculation\",\"action\":\"story_recirculation_click\",\"clickType\":\"inset box\",\"clickUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/08\/13\/g-s1-14652\/got-a-new-baby-how-to-fairly-split-chores-and-child-care-and-avoid-resentment\"}'><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/3000x3000+1322+0\/resize\/100\/quality\/85\/format\/jpeg\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fef%2F02%2F96ac82c14040a4ae4049c716be08%2Flk-postpartum-chores-1-harlan-for-promo-copy.jpg\" data-original=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/3000x3000+1322+0\/resize\/100\/quality\/100\/format\/jpeg\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fef%2F02%2F96ac82c14040a4ae4049c716be08%2Flk-postpartum-chores-1-harlan-for-promo-copy.jpg\" data-template=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/3000x3000+1322+0\/resize\/{width}\/quality\/{quality}\/format\/{format}\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fef%2F02%2F96ac82c14040a4ae4049c716be08%2Flk-postpartum-chores-1-harlan-for-promo-copy.jpg\" data-format=\"jpeg\" class=\"img lazyOnLoad\" alt=\"An eight-part grid displays images representing common chores in households that have babies, including diapering, research, grocery shopping, meal planning, bed time, bottle feeding, dishes, clothes shopping, laundry, doctor's appointments, sick care and managing the bills and mail. Each of the items has a sticky note on it that reads either &quot;me&quot; or &quot;you,&quot; which represents the intentional division of household labor among partners. \" loading=\"lazy\"><\/a>         <\/p>\n<div class=\"bucketblock\">\n<h3 class=\"slug\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/lifekit\">Life Kit <\/a><\/h3>\n<h3><a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/08\/13\/g-s1-14652\/got-a-new-baby-how-to-fairly-split-chores-and-child-care-and-avoid-resentment\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"recirculation\",\"action\":\"story_recirculation_click\",\"clickType\":\"inset box\",\"clickUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/08\/13\/g-s1-14652\/got-a-new-baby-how-to-fairly-split-chores-and-child-care-and-avoid-resentment\"}'>Caring for a newborn is a team sport. Here&#8217;s how to share the load<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"BUCKETBLOCK\" -->\n      <\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"BUCKET IMG\" -->\n   <\/div>\n<p><!-- END ID=\"RESNX-S1-5758051-101\" CLASS=\"BUCKETWRAP INTERNALLINK INSETTWOCOLUMN INSET2COL \" --><\/p>\n<p>If you feel some ambivalence about being a parent or being child-free, that&#8217;s OK. It&#8217;s a common emotion when both paths carry risks and rewards, Bombardieri says.<\/p>\n<p>Remember that either decision might lead to some regret, she says. So don&#8217;t ask if you will regret your decision. Ask, which decision you will regret least?<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;When people think they have to make the perfect choice, they paint themselves into a corner,&#8221; Bombardieri says.<\/p>\n<p><em>(For more help making hard decisions, <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2025\/06\/03\/nx-s1-5406260\/a-surprising-trick-to-making-hard-choices-try-thinking-less\" target=\"_blank\"><em><u>read our interview<\/u><\/em><\/a><em> with decision coach Nell Wulfhart.)\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"edTag\">Sit with your own feelings first \u2014 literally<\/h2>\n<div id=\"resg-s1-129960\" class=\"bucketwrap image large\">\n<div class=\"imagewrap has-source-dimensions\" data-crop-type=\"\" style=\"--source-width: 6000;--source-height: 6000\">\n<p>            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/6000x6000+0+0\/resize\/1100\/quality\/50\/format\/jpeg\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F81%2F8e%2Fdbf57c7c4c1e922ec56df7d9fdf9%2Fgettyimages-1311447509.jpg\" data-template=\"https:\/\/npr.brightspotcdn.com\/dims3\/default\/strip\/false\/crop\/6000x6000+0+0\/resize\/{width}\/quality\/{quality}\/format\/{format}\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F81%2F8e%2Fdbf57c7c4c1e922ec56df7d9fdf9%2Fgettyimages-1311447509.jpg\" class=\"img\" alt=\"Two chairs. \" loading=\"lazy\"><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"credit-caption\">\n<div class=\"caption-wrap\">\n<div class=\"caption\" aria-label=\"Image caption\">\n<p>\n                Bombardieri advises those on the fence about parenthood to try an exercise called the &#8220;chair dialogue.&#8221; It can deepen both parties&#8217; understanding of what it means to have a baby or be child-free.<br \/>\n                <b class=\"credit\" aria-label=\"Image credit\"><br \/>\n                    ImaZinS RF<br \/>\n                <\/b><br \/>\n                <b class=\"hide-caption\"><b>hide caption<\/b><\/b>\n            <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>            <b class=\"toggle-caption\"><b>toggle caption<\/b><\/b>\n    <\/div>\n<p>    <span class=\"credit\" aria-label=\"Image credit\"><br \/>\n        ImaZinS RF<br \/>\n    <\/span>\n<\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p>One way to help couples get closer to certainty is a solo exercise called the &#8220;chair dialogue.&#8221; Bombardieri says it can often lead to surprising self-discovery, and help couples gain a deeper understanding of each other&#8217;s true motivations.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s how it works:<\/p>\n<p>First, block out some time alone in a quiet space. Grab two chairs and face them toward each other. One chair will be the &#8220;parenthood&#8221; chair and the other will be the &#8220;child-free&#8221; chair.<\/p>\n<p><!-- END ID=\"MID-STORY-RECOMMENDATIONS-MOUNT-PIANO\" CLASS=\"MID-STORY-RECOMMENDATIONS-MOUNT-PIANO\" ARIA-LABEL=\"RECOMMENDED STORIES\" --><\/p>\n<p>Then, sit in each chair one at a time and make your best argument as to why you should be a parent or child-free. &#8220;Physically have a conversation with yourself,&#8221; she says.<\/p>\n<p>For example, in the parent chair, you might say, &#8220;Of course I&#8217;m going to have a baby, I&#8217;ve wanted this my whole life.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>In the child-free chair, you might say, &#8220;I&#8217;m absolutely terrified of pregnancy.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Pay attention to your body language, Bombardieri says. Maybe in one chair, &#8220;you feel more alert, animated.&#8221; Or you might find that one side is angry, and the other pleading.<\/p>\n<p>Once you and your partner have each done this exercise, come back together and discuss what came up. Hopefully, you&#8217;ll be able to speak with more clarity about your personal leanings.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"edTag\">Rate your decision on a scale from 0-10<\/h2>\n<p>Get a sense of how strongly you each feel about your decision. On a scale of 0-10, where do you each fall?<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;If you absolutely know that you would never have a child, you would be the zero. This is no criticism of child-free. It&#8217;s because you want zero children,&#8221; Bombardieri says.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Ten is, &#8216;I was put on the Earth to have a child, and I will have to divorce my partner if they say no,'&#8221; she adds.<\/p>\n<p>Take note as you go through this process: &#8220;If someone is certain that they want to be child-free, they should never have a child to please their partner,&#8221; she says. &#8220;Whether it&#8217;s going to be a divorce or an unhappy family, that just does not work out.&#8221;<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"edTag\">Get creative with compromise<\/h2>\n<p>If you have a partner who&#8217;s falling on the opposite side of the spectrum, don&#8217;t panic. The baby decision might not be as black-and-white, all-or-nothing as you think it is, says Bombardieri.<\/p>\n<div id=\"resnx-s1-5758051-102\" class=\"bucketwrap internallink insettwocolumn inset2col \">\n<div class=\"bucket img\">\n                  <a class=\"imagewrap\" id=\"featuredStackSquareImage1196978629\" href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/02\/13\/1196978629\/resolve-fight-conflict-couples-relationship-marriage\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"recirculation\",\"action\":\"story_recirculation_click\",\"clickType\":\"inset box\",\"clickUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/02\/13\/1196978629\/resolve-fight-conflict-couples-relationship-marriage\"}'><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media.npr.org\/assets\/img\/2024\/02\/09\/lajohnson-fight-right-lk-finalartboard-5_sq-6812b8a6852d592c0b678971eb642b92fc718125.jpg?s=100&amp;c=85&amp;f=jpeg\" data-original=\"https:\/\/media.npr.org\/assets\/img\/2024\/02\/09\/lajohnson-fight-right-lk-finalartboard-5_sq-6812b8a6852d592c0b678971eb642b92fc718125.jpg?s=100&amp;c=100&amp;f=jpeg\" data-template=\"https:\/\/media.npr.org\/assets\/img\/2024\/02\/09\/lajohnson-fight-right-lk-finalartboard-5_sq-6812b8a6852d592c0b678971eb642b92fc718125.jpg?s={width}&amp;c={quality}&amp;f={format}\" data-format=\"jpeg\" class=\"img lazyOnLoad\" alt=\"Illustration of a couple sitting across from one another at a fancy restaurant. The partner on the left says &quot;mmm, good soup,&quot; not realizing that their partner is about to launch into a fight. In the next panel, the partner on the right yells, &quot;You are so selfish! You always think of only yourself, and I don't feel heard!&quot; While the partner on the left stares on in shock.\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/a>         <\/p>\n<div class=\"bucketblock\">\n<h3 class=\"slug\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/podcasts\/510338\/all-guides\">Life Kit <\/a><\/h3>\n<h3><a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/02\/13\/1196978629\/resolve-fight-conflict-couples-relationship-marriage\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"recirculation\",\"action\":\"story_recirculation_click\",\"clickType\":\"inset box\",\"clickUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2024\/02\/13\/1196978629\/resolve-fight-conflict-couples-relationship-marriage\"}'>The secret to lasting love might just be knowing how to fight<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"BUCKETBLOCK\" -->\n      <\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"BUCKET IMG\" -->\n   <\/div>\n<p><!-- END ID=\"RESNX-S1-5758051-102\" CLASS=\"BUCKETWRAP INTERNALLINK INSETTWOCOLUMN INSET2COL \" --><\/p>\n<p>Try to find a compromise by doing some brainstorming and problem-solving. What could you each do to make your choice more attractive to your partner? <\/p>\n<p>Bombardieri shares three scenarios and how she would address them:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"edTag rte2-style-ul\">\n<li><strong>Your partner wants three kids, you want none. <\/strong>Could you consider having one child? It&#8217;s&#8221;an excellent solution for many couples and also single people who want the pleasure of a child but don&#8217;t want to be overwhelmed,&#8221; says Bombardieri.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Your partner is leaning child-free because they want to see the world.<\/strong> &#8220;Name some countries you want to go to,&#8221; says Bombardieri. Then, make a list and set a timeline. Could you travel to those places, and then start a family in a few years? Could you plan to set aside a long weekend every year for solo travel?<\/li>\n<li><strong>You&#8217;re sure you don&#8217;t want to be a parent, but your wife is great with kids and worries she would be missing out.<\/strong> \u200aIf your wife is willing to sacrifice her desire to start a family, help her find other ways to nurture her love of children, Bombardieri says.Maybe that&#8217;s committing to dedicated time with nieces and nephews or joining youth mentorship programs.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Not every situation will have a happy middle medium \u2014 and that&#8217;s OK, says Bombardieri. Sometimes the best decision will be to part ways. &#8220;Some people do break up \u2014 and that can be the answer.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>No matter what you decide, what&#8217;s crucial to success in this process is that both parties feel their needs have been heard and accounted for, Bombardieri says.<\/p>\n<p>If you do end up agreeing to your partner&#8217;s choice, &#8220;you need to know that they have bent over backward to figure out a way that it could work&#8221; to avoid future resentment, she says.<\/p>\n<div class=\"hr\">\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<p><em>The story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. We&#8217;d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"mailto:LifeKit@npr.org\" target=\"_blank\"><em>LifeKit@npr.org<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Listen to Life Kit on\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/n.pr\/3LdRb0X\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Apple Podcasts<\/em><\/a><em>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/n.pr\/3K3xVln\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Spotify<\/em><\/a><em>, and sign up for our\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/n.pr\/3xN1tB9\" target=\"_blank\"><em>newsletter<\/em><\/a><em>. Follow us on Instagram:\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/nprlifekit\" target=\"_blank\"><em>@nprlifekit<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"tags\">\n<ul>\n<li><a class=\"tag tag--story\" href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/tags\/796672286\/life-kit-health\">Life Kit: Health<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"tag tag--story\" href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/tags\/797069332\/life-kit-parenting\">Life Kit: Parenting<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"TAGS\" --><\/p>\n<div class=\"share-tools share-tools--secondary\" aria-label=\"Share tools\">\n<ul>\n<li class=\"share-tools__service share-tools__service--facebook\"><button class=\"fbStorynx-s1-5758051\" data-share-facebook='{\"storyId\": \"nx-s1-5758051\" }' data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"share\",\"action\":\"share\",\"clickName\":\"facebook\"}'><b class=\"share-tools__service-name\">Facebook<\/b><\/button><\/li>\n<li class=\"share-tools__service share-tools__service--flipboard\"><button class=\"storynx-s1-5758051\" data-share-flipboard='{\"storyId\": \"nx-s1-5758051\" }' data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"share\",\"action\":\"share\",\"clickName\":\"flipboard\"}'><b class=\"share-tools__service-name\">Flipboard<\/b><\/button><\/li>\n<li class=\"share-tools__service share-tools__service--email\"><button class=\"share-tools__email-link\" data-story-id=\"nx-s1-5758051\" data-metrics-ga4='{\"category\":\"share\",\"action\":\"share\",\"clickName\":\"email\"}'><b class=\"share-tools__service-name\">Email<\/b><\/button><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<p><!-- END CLASS=\"SHARE-TOOLS SHARE-TOOLS-SECONDARY\" ARIA-LABEL=\"SHARE TOOLS\" --><br \/>\n<!-- END ID=\"NEWSLETTER-ACQUISITION-CALLOUT-DATA\" DATA-NEWSLETTER=\"{&amp;QUOT;NEWSLETTERID&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;LIFE-KIT&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;TITLE&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;LIFE KIT&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;MARKETINGHEADER&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;SIGN UP FOR NPR LIFE KIT&#039;S NEWSLETTER&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;FREQUENCY&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;EVERY WEEK&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;SHORTDESCRIPTION&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;GET EXPERT ADVICE ON LIFESTYLE TOPICS LIKE HEALTH, MONEY, RELATIONSHIPS AND MORE. SENT WEEKLY. &amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;STICKYDESCRIPTION&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;LIFE KIT IS HERE TO HELP. SIGN UP FOR OUR WEEKLY NEWSLETTER.&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;CONTENTIMAGE&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;HTTPS:\/\/NPR.BRIGHTSPOTCDN.COM\/76\/9D\/7FBD9B9E4BC68258F70DBE0C4F90\/LIFEKITS.PNG&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;STATICMARKUPDIR&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;NA&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;BRANDINGDIR&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;\/BRANDING\/LIFEKIT&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;BRANDINGLINK&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;HTTPS:\/\/WWW.NPR.ORG\/LIFEKIT&amp;QUOT;,&amp;QUOT;RECAPTCHASITEKEY&amp;QUOT;:&amp;QUOT;6LCDN9IZAAAAAOHT985BJJBZJKBJKSXDXK3GEKST&amp;QUOT;}\" --><br \/>\n<!-- END ID=\"CALLOUT-END-OF-STORY-MOUNT\" --><\/p>\n<div id=\"callout-end-of-story-mount-piano-wrap\" class=\"callout-end-of-story-mount-piano-wrap\">\n<!-- END ID=\"CALLOUT-END-OF-STORY-MOUNT-PIANO\" CLASS=\"CALLOUT-END-OF-STORY-MOUNT-PIANO\" -->\n<\/div>\n<p><!-- END ID=\"CALLOUT-END-OF-STORY-MOUNT-PIANO-WRAP\" CLASS=\"CALLOUT-END-OF-STORY-MOUNT-PIANO-WRAP\" --><br \/>\n<!-- END ID=\"END-OF-STORY-RECOMMENDATIONS-MOUNT-PIANO\" CLASS=\"RECOMMENDED-STORIES RECOMMENDED-STORIES-PIANO\" ARIA-LABEL=\"RECOMMENDED STORIES\" --><br \/>\n<!-- END ID=\"END-OF-STORY-RECOMMENDATIONS-MOUNT\" CLASS=\"RECOMMENDED-STORIES\" ARIA-LABEL=\"RECOMMENDED STORIES\" --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How to find middle ground when your partner wants kids \u2014 and you don&#8217;t June 25, 20265:00 AM<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":4623,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4621","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-world-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4621","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4621"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4621\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4623"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4621"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4621"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.usglobalnews.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4621"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}